if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
