he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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