I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
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