don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
