I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Less talking, more tequila
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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