Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
