He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
