Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
