Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
