I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
