Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I will be naked everywhere
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
