Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
