Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
