so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
