he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
