Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
