I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
pop tarts are not kleenex
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
