Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
