Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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