How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
