Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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