I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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