i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
