matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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