I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
