Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
