I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
