I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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