I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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