This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
