Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
