to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
