toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
i now understand why vodka
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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