We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My ass is underappreciated
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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