What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
