sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
You're so nebulous sometimes
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
