i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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