i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
