i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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