My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
