i would punch a child for taco bell
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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