Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
