How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
