Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I fill condoms, not promises.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
