"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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