Who did Billy Mays play for?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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