Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
