Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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