He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
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