i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
