How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
