Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Randomize
